"World Between" – Three Poems by Carolyne Van Der Meer

I.

Her dark pupils fix

demanding     seeking

I’ll miss you she says

And I lose my footing    

my feet draw away from

the cliff     free falling

I look at her     raise my

hand to trace her cheekbones

tell her I’ll miss her too

and it crystalizes that

her time is finite

Of course it always was

but now it’s close

so close     it’s like hot

breath     a monster from

the depths     and it’s terrifying

for what child ever

imagines a world without

her mother

II.

Deliverance

I just want deliverance

from this body

The piercing stare tells me this

is a plea

I need you and I love you

she says once the pain

has been managed and

she can wrap her mind

around words again

Take whatever this life

gives you I say to myself

even the grief

because in its throes

it holds you in intense

beauty     beauty you would

not find in any other

moment     a cruel irony

for when she is gone

that terrible beauty

will haunt me

forever just barely

within my grasp

forever disembodied

III.

Spraypainted orange

the mangled corpse of the deer

beckons from the shoulder

of the highway

distended belly staring

at me

face mercifully hidden

death is waiting

it tells me

as I push through the

long drive to my mother’s

bedside

wishing I could materialize

there in some kind of warp

compress time

Later when my sister

and I wash

her body with warm

cloths

change her sheets

caress her face

and she leans in

seeking touch

I think of these as

sacred ministrations

last rites of kin

feel for the deer

whose orange lacquer

masks the grief

of the natural world

We say goodbye

in the small acts

leave love on skin

Carolyne Van Der Meer is a Montreal journalist, public relations professional and former university lecturer. Her articles, essays, short stories and poems have been published internationally. Her five published books are: Motherlode: A Mosaic of Dutch Wartime Experience (WLUP, 2014); Journeywoman (Inanna, 2017); Heart of Goodness: The Life of Marguerite Bourgeoys in 30 Poems | Du cœur à l’âme : La vie de Marguerite Bourgeoys en 30 poèmes (Guernica Editions, 2020); Sensorial (Inanna, 2022) and All This As I Stand By (Ekstasis Editions, 2024). Heart of Goodness | Du cœur à l’âme, for which she translated her own poems into French, was awarded second prize in the Poetry Category of the Catholic Media Association’s 2021 Annual Book Awards and was a finalist in The Word Guild’s 2021 annual Word Awards. Chapbook publications include One Week’s Worth but a Lifetime More (Local Gems Press, 2022) and Broken Pieces: Hospital Experiences (2023).